Friday, November 24, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 32

Larissa Snowe Snowe and I are having lunch in Zillis in Soho as she has plans she wants to talk about for the weekend although right now we are talking about the impending wedding of Susan and Adam. Somehow, she finds the whole thing totally fascinating. She's like Spock.

"Oh, but it is. It's so modular."
"Modular? Who talks like that?"
"I do, modular is a very good word."
"Yes, but good for what?"

I have no idea what she's talking about, I tell her this and I think about mentioning the Spock thing, but hold off as I know that it will drive her nuts and not in a good way. It's not the logic part of Spock mind you, but the part about her ears. She has a thing about them. To be honest I have thing about them as well, but sadly we don't have the same thing about them. I think they are cute, but Larissa Snowe Snowe is under the impression that they make her look pixie'ish.

I tried to tell her once that while they might look pixie'ish, but in a really good kind of Liv Tyler way. Not a good move as Larissa Snowe is a total pedant and so has no trouble in punishing people like me who are more dilettante than pedant.

"Liv Typler played an elf in the Lord of the Rings and that is a different thing entirely from a pixie."

Who would have guessed?

"Modular? Its like a model aeroplane kit. It snaps together really quickly even though at first get it you think it will take forever. That's what their relationship is like."
"They're like a model aeroplane kit? Is that jet or prop driven?"
"I'm not sure it matters, lets say prop."
"I'm joking, the point is its totally clear that you have never built model plane kits. Luckily being a bloke I have built hundreds."
"Well it would have been strange if I had, wouldn't it?"
"True, but if you do I could give you tips."
"What ever happens to all those planes you boys build? I wonder as I've never seen any."
"That's very true, they all disappear it sometimes seemed that as a child I did nothing else, but glue those kits together and despite years of gluing I have not one single piece of plastic left for my troubles. Not even my very favourite Battle of Britain pride and glory RAF Spitfire that I painted and loved and hung from my ceiling until I was.. .well for a while at least.
"Oh that's terribly sweet, but maybe a little sad as well. I bet you were a spoddy and not in any way cool kid."
"That's harsh but true."
"Anyway we've wandered, modular."
"Yes, and that's what I was going to say model plane kits do not snap together really quickly. They take forever and there's always something wrong with them."

Larissa Snowe Snowe smiles at this and sips her wine.

"Maybe it was just the way you made them."
"Hey what are you suggesting?"
"Oh, nothing, just that everyone has their approach."
"And what's wrong with my approach?"

Larissa Snowe Snowe shrugs, still smiling, but doesn't say anything.

"Come on spit it out?"

This makes Larissa Snowe Snowe laugh.

"Oh you're such a charmer," she says laughing.
"You know I'm sure you never used to laugh at such obviously poor and really quite rubbish double-entendres, what gives?"
"Oh I thought that was rather good," she says, "anyway are you suggesting I'm prudish?"
"Clearly not your style has become much more relaxed. Now tell me."
"Okay, well your approach is not always the most mature."
"Damn I knew I shouldn't have slept with you again," I say.

This just makes Larissa Snowe Snowe laugh again.

"It's not what you said at the time," she says guffawing again.

I have no idea what's got into her, some people, I tell you.

After munching away on some mange tout, Larissa Snowe says, "You should do something, be bold."

I roll my eyes.

"Be bold? Oh right, no problem, I'm on it."
"Seriously."
"Yeah, and seriously, I'm on it."
"No come on, do something, I know you want to and you know you want to and I think that it would be criminal if you did nothing. Please, I want to do something as well and I have a plan."
"You want to do something and you have a plan? What's got into you today?"
"Oh I don't know I'm just feeling concerned about your future. So what are you going to do?"

Good question. For a start I should come clean and admit it's the truth. I mean I think that might help. It's been obvious from the start. It's true I'm always thinking and I really wish I could stop thinking "well she's quite nice, but I'm sure I will meet someone else who's is, well you know, perfect? It's sad I know. But I can't be the only person in the Western world who thinks that way. While Susan and I were friends I could look at her and think I really like Susan…but. There's always a but. Even when she was going out with people I never thought the relationships would last or go the distance. I guess if I'm honest, and I hate to admit it, I saw Susan as my backup plan. You know in that kind of way that you hope you will never have to use the back up plan, but its always nice to know that it's there in case you do. But I waited too long and my back-up plan is getting married. This makes things difficult as I no longer have a backup plan let alone a plan. Susan is no longer my back up plan, but my plan and my unattainable plan at that. So really no kind of plan at all.

"It's a bit late in the day," I say.
"It's only as late as you make it," Larissa Snowe tuts at me.
"It's a good job your going to Barcelona as your sunny unbridled optimism and enthusiasm will help you fit right in. It'll be a beautiful moment for all concerned."

Larissa Snowe grins at me and takes my sarcasm in her stride.

"You could do with some unbridled optimism – that way you wouldn't be in the situation you're in now. So if you're not going to do anything then kindly stop acting like a lovesick teenager."
"Hey!"
"Yes?"
"Okay, okay, so what's your plan."

This just brings a huge smile to Larissa Snowe Snowe's face, I think somehow I just made her day. And the plan? Don't ask me I have no idea and nothing, but a bad feeling.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 31

Alison has me really worried, I'd always thought she was convinced they would split up and that we were at one on the issue of Adam and Susan, you know more or less. She's an expert on the longevity of (other people's) relationships.

"I think I might."
"But that's just..."
"Just?"
"Oh I don't I don't know, wrong."
"Wrong? Hmm, wrong like what?"
"Like Ewoks or something like that. Wrong on a big scale."
"Ewoks? You've lost me. Maybe it’s the Stars Wars thing."
"Ewoks are wrong everyone knows that. You don't have to like Star Wars to know that."
"Well sorry, don't get annoyed with me about small fury creatures in a science fiction movie that has nothing to do with Susan and Adam."
"It has everything to do with them as I was under the impression that you gave the Adam and Susan coupling a very small chance of success – see small?"
"Small? That is I think stretching a point."
"I'm a journalist stretching things is my job, a point? No problem, I can stretch that. The truth? Just as easy. Anyway, you said."
"Well that was my initial feeling, but..."
"Your initial feeling?"
"Yes, I had an initial feeling...I changed my mind."
"But you can't."
"Gordon, I'm a girl, of course I can, shoes, clothes or my mind. And at any point. Can you stretch that?"
"But I'm convinced they'll split up."
"No, you desperately want them to split up, which is not the same thing at all. Look...errrm..."

And then there's this thunderous, punctuated, pregnant pause that tells me that news, which can only be ominous nature, is most certainly coming my way. I hate ominous more than just about anything. It clear that Alison has been holding out on me, I don't believe it.

"You've been holding out on me? I can tell."
"I haven't exactly been holding out on you."
"What do you mean nit exactly?"
"Okay, I do mean exactly. Oh look there isn't another way of putting it, there's something I've been holding off telling you."

I look over at Alison who has that look on her face that people have when they're about to tell you really really bad news ("what do you mean I'm dead?"). Her mouth is twisted to one side and she's biting her lip.

"I thought we'd pretty much used up our quota of bad news for the decade."

Alison smiles weakly at me.

"Well, it depend, which way you look at it, not everyone concerned, would necessarily consider it to be bad news."
"Hang on let me get this straight you've been holding off on me, but it's not necessarily bad news?"

Alison nods.

"Not necessarily. That about sums it up."

"Okay, so what's the news?"
"Will you take Caitlin for me? My arms are tired."

And before I get a chance to say ‘well can't you tell me first' Alison is up and off the big couch and stepping towards me. I take baby Caitlin from her mother's arms and all she does is gurgles and flexes her tiny hands as she comes to rest on my shoulder.

"Not that I'm cynical, but I know why you did that."
"Not that you're cynical."
"Look, I thought we were agreed my role around here is to provide much needed sarcasm."
"Among other things."
"Okay, among other things."
"So why did I give you Caitlin, shatter my illusions?"
"It's like an inhibitor. It's a baby inhibitor, you know I can't move on jump up and down in rage or act in a general pathetic way with a baby in my arms."

Alison blushes me a large smile.

"Okay you saw straight through me, I'm disappointed. I always prided myself on being ever so not entirely transparent, but at least I know now that you will not raise your voice when I tell you that..."
"Hang on a second, not so fast. Back up a bit."
"I thought you wanted me to tell you?"
"Oh, I do."
"You do? Are you sure?"
"Yes quite sure, but I just want some indication of the type of news we're dealing with here so I can prepare myself."
"Prepare yourself. It's not an Olympic event."
"You say that."
"I do."
"Okay, you're not going to like it."
"Quite how much am I not going to like it?"
"Well on a scale of one to ten I think you might break the needle completely and utter and beyond repair."

Break the needle? I start wracking my brains, but nothing.

"Do I have cancer? It's that bad."
"Gordie, don't."
"Sorry, okay, let me have it."
"I will, but promise you won't do anything stupid?"
"I'd like to, but really that's not strictly possible. You know my track record."
"True, take a deep breath and watch Caitlin."
"Okay, deep breath," I say.
"Adam and Susan are getting married."

And I'm looking at Alison and it's like I'm still waiting for her to tell me what she's going to tell me as what she just said simply didn't register. The information passed straight through my brain without touching the sides. I give a little shake of my head. To be honest this has been happening to be rather a lot of late.

"Could you say that again?"
"Gordon, you heard what I said."

When Alison says that it's like the trigger and then I get it.

"OMG."
"Indeed."
"You're not kidding are you?"
"You had your chance," Alison says.
"My chance? You’re all feeling."
"You did."

Alison is right. I did have my chance.

"So you can't really complain now that she's speeded ahead. You should have seen it coming. You know as well as, no better than, anyone else that it's what women in their 30s do. They don't wait, they do fast shock weddings, which are, well, a shock."
"Consider me shocked."
"Okay, Mr Shocked."
"Do you remember Michelle Shocked?"
"Mmm, sort of. That was a long time ago wasn't it?"
"Yeah, it was. Whatever happened to her? Anchorage Alaska?"
"Now you mention it yes, and you might want to consider that as a destination."
"Really?"
"Yes, the question is do you want to hear the really bad news?"
"Oh come on, you're joking, right? The really bad news?"
"Yes, well again, some people might not see it as such."
"It's okay I already know what the really bad news is."

Alison looks at me sceptically.

"You do?"
"Yeah, not only is she going to marry the guy, but she's going to marry the guy really quickly, right?"
"I'm impressed, how did you guess?"
"Susan's brother is getting married in November, she's desperate to beat him down the aisle. She's crazy. Someone should tell Adam. Second thoughts..."
"You know far too much about Susan."
"Not anymore," I say, "besides it's just like Hayley, she did exactly the same thing."

Hayley was a friend of ours who last year sprung a surprise wedding on us. I used to think that weddings took forever to put together, but not anymore. Now you can throw weddings together literally at a moment's notice. It's instant matrimony the best friend of biological romance.

I can't believe Adam dropped down on one knee and proposed. He's never even spoken about marriage before. Maybe that's telling, men never talk about marriage even my friends who are married never talked about marriage if you see what I mean.

Adam is so sneaky. He was planning this all along. Date Susan and then marry her. OMG, well you just listen to me? I sound like...oh I don't even know who I sound like, but I know that I don't like what I'm hearing very much.

"So when do they do it? What one, two, three weeks? No, don't tell me September 8."
"Oh, that's scary, Susan would be impressed. I'm trying to remember now if you remember my birthday as well."
"Funny, you know I do."
"But only because its five days after yours."
"Hey, can I help that? So are you going?"
"Oh Gordie, I can't not go."
"You could stay away in solidarity."
"What kind of solidarity would that be exactly?"
"The kind that's against poor matrimonial choices, obviously."
"Oh, but Susan would say? Poor matrimonial choices, it really not much in the way of solidarity."
"Susan would say better poor choice than no choice, she's the most pragmatic person I know."
"Oh, I rest my case."
"You don't have a case."

Alison shrugs and smiles my way.

"You could gate crash."

I shake my head at Alison in puzzlement, is she insane?

"Why would I gate crash Susan's wedding?"
"No I idea, I'm just making suggestions."
"Suggestions? I'm lost. When did she tell you?"
"Oh don't ask me that."
"Don't ask you? Jeez, you've known for ages."
"Only last week, but don't have a go at me, I knew how you would react. I was just waiting for the right moment. Anyway, you wouldn't have done anything about it."
"True, but I like to be kept informed about these things. Local news is important. I don't suppose she mentioned me, did she?"
"You'll be pleased to know that Susan always mentions you when we speak," Alison says smiling.
"Really?" I say.

Did someone say gullible? I have huge grin on my face and hopeless amounts of misplaced puppy dog enthusiasm. Alison laughs.

"This week she said you were the biggest, and I quote ‘twat' she had ever met, for ignoring her. And you know she's right."

I simply humph at this and at Alison's minor subterfuge that has shown me up to be the giant sized sucker that I am.

"Well she asked for it," I say.

If I wasn't holding Caitlin I would be folding my arms to drive home this point. Alison smiles again and says, "Oh of course she did," and then gives me a big cheesy grin to drive her point home.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 30

I'm so broke right now it's just not true. I'm telling this to Alison who has just made us lunch and is burping Caitlin who is now three weeks old. She's incredibly cute, small and wobbly, but don't ask me any technical questions. I have no idea what burping is. I can do the easy stuff and yesterday I held her for more than an hour and a half and she hardly made a sound. I think she's the sleepiest baby in the Western world.

"You realise you've been sitting there for almost 90 minutes don't you?" Alison says.

"It's worrying I think your child might be sucking the energy out of my body. I've totally lost the will to move."
"Oh, you lost that a long time ago."
"That's true, but I think at least I've found a justification for not moving now."
"I'm pretty sure that it will return."
"That's like a major relief, when do you think that might be? I'm hoping before she's a teenager."
"Oh long before that."
"Phew."
"I'd imagine it will happen when she's sick on your shoulder."
"You had to bring sick into it didn't you?"
"Sick a my world."
"No one tells you there is going to be so much sick."
"I know it’s like being bushwhacked."
"Maybe sickwhacked?"
"I don't think so. I didn't think the sick would come to much later."
"Ah those teenage slash twenty something years, they were the best."
"You were always throwing up."
"I contest that."
"Contest all you like, we know the truth."
"Which is why I drink in moderation."
"As if."
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."

And of course Alison was right because as soon as I fed Caitlin she made huge long dribbles on the shoulder of my t-shirt.

"That was my best T-shirt."
"Gordie, people don't have 'best' t-shirts."
"I do."
"How can you? It's white, you bought in Top Man. It costs £5."
"True, but unlike other white t-shirts I have this one is actually white, you know, rather than off white or non white."
"Really though people don't have best t-shirts unless they cost more than £5 or are Iron Maiden tour t-shirts from the late 1970s."
"I don’t have any of those."
"There you go. Paul had an Iron Maiden t-shirt, which I always thought was funny for a lawyer."
"You're right I'm think he should have had a Smith T-shirt. Heavens knows I'm miserable now."
"Mmm, maybe."
"So are we talking about Paul now?"
"No we're most definitely not. We were talking about your lack of cash, which you know is entirely your own fault."
"That is so harsh."

I don't know how she can even think of saying that when it is so clear that this is Susan's fault. I swear that girl is the bitch from hell. If not hell then North London at the very least.

"Oh Gord you know it's your own fault. So don't try and pass the buck."
"Oh come on," I appeal, "besides I'm a top buck passer."
"Come on nothing, if you hadn't refused to speak to Susan, blanked her, ignored her or failed to return any messages or emails none of this would have happened."
"Oh come on, that's so..."
"Oh come on nothing, Suze is hardly going to keep recommending you for lots of cushy work. You shot the cash cow."
"That's unfair, I did not shoot the cash cow. The cash cow started dating Adam. It seems unfair that I should have to suffer because the cow has poor taste in men."

I'm so stupid when it comes to cash cows. It's all true. As good as my word I completely blanked Susan after she an Adam started dating. I just got worse and worse graduating from being not very communicative to being absolutely non-communicative. To be honest it is not as much as a journey as you may imagine.

I then realised that I did far too much work for Mademoiselle magazine, which has now come to an abrupt halt. I have other work, but just nothing so regular. Susan has paid me back for snubbing her, which she has every right to do so. But I'm not going to change my mind and as far as I'm concerned I have nothing to say to her and considerably less to say to Adam. I mean what a total git. I still can't believe they're still together, which in case you had been wondering they very much are.

"Susan made so much effort with you. You're like a difficult child, but bigger and less energetic."
"I'm very energetic. I'm known for my energy and super fast walking, everyone says so."
"Okay a difficult energetic child. Are you happy?"
"Yes, labels are important."
"Well I'm glad we sorted that. You've got exactly what you asked for and just what you deserved."
"Gee thanks."
"No sulking, you might spark post natal depression," Alison says smiling.

Again this is all true Susan did make a lot of effort when she first started going out with Adam. She called me and left messages, but the great thing about modern technology is that it makes it really easy to live in splendid telephone screened isolation. Eventually the flow of messages became a trickle and then it stopped completely and after about six weeks communication between the two of us had ground to a halt.

I think at one stage, in the beginning at least, I was genuinely thinking that I was only going to let it slide so far (okay, lets be honest here, until they'd split up), but the thing is when you're indignantly in full ignoring mode swing it feels pretty good and you're really not in a mood to compromise or back down.

And I'm sad about that, I really am, but Adam? I just, and I may have said this a few times before, don't believe it, and unless she's had a sudden conversion on the road to Damascus, I don't buy it either. It's been almost six months.

"Okay I asked for it."
"I know you did. You don't have to tell me."
"Okay, but."
"Gordie there is no but."
"But…"
"No but. You got what you deserved."
"Have you been taking harshness classes from Susan?"
"Gordie?"
"Okay, okay, so I got just what I deserved, but you're supposed to be my friend."
"I am."
"Okay so how about a little sympathy? I'm in need of comfort and sympathy."
"Oh you know I'm sympathetic, but I think you would get rather more sympathy if you made up with Susan."
"You know I think we've had this conversation a few times before."
"I know and I'm still waiting for you to agree an apology, I want us all to be friends so we can all get together again. It's so tiresome having to have always see you and Susan separately. You're a double act."
"You know I think you're thinking of Susan and Adam, besides I was always more suited to a solo career."
"Adam and Susan are not a double act."
"Really? You should tell Susan maybe she'll dump him."
"Would that make you happy?"
"Err, now you mention it."
"You're going to have to apologise sooner or later you know."
"You know, I don't think I am. I majored in Bolshie obstinacy with honours."
"You know I love you, but you're so completely unreasonable. Gordie, face it they're not going to split up. It's not going to happen."
"You don't seriously believe that do you?"

Friday, November 03, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 29

I look sideways at Larissa Snowe not quite sure what she's getting at.

"What do you mean?"
"Just that, what's on your mind."
"Nothing much," I say.
"Fair enough," Larissa says," so what did you think will happen?"
"I don't know, I thought they would patch it up, but..."
"Oh yeah, there's definitely a but in this," Larissa says.
"You're right. I don't think it's going to be the same. I mean it's not is it?"
"No I don't think it is, not for them and not for us either."
"It's weird, but foolishly..."
"Foolishly?"
"Yeah, definitely foolishly I always had this idea that we, and by that I mean you and our friends, were somehow going to be different."

Larissa Snowe nods in agreement.

"So did I. I thought that for ages we were going to be friends for a long time, have better relationships, have great well adjusted kids and see each other all the time."

I dip my head, this is exactly how it is or at least exactly how it feels it is.

"But now we're here, now we've arrived at this point, when it is time to show, to define, our differentness when we're getting married and having kids it's the same."
"I know, and how did that happen?"
"I don't know, but all this stuff that we thought we had learnt from watching our parents getting it wrong and it still isn't any different, it's exactly the same.
"Yeah like some huge self-repeating merry go round where everyone time after time until the very end of time does everything in exactly the same way."
"Exactly the same way, that's terribly depressing. Now is your chance to cheer me up."
"Like what?" I ask her.
"I don't know. Surprise me, tell me another story."

I think for a little and then something springs to mind.

"Okay, considering our theme today seems to have been events of some significance it strikes me that something else significant happened to me recently. Well a couple of things really, but they're all kind of related."

Larissa Snowe wriggles on the wall and moves a little closer.

"Oh this sounds good," she says.
"Well you'll have to be the judge of that."
"Go on then, tell me."
"This is going to sound funny, anyway, bizarrely I was in a DIY store. This is of course a telling fact in itself. As you well know, having seen my house enough, I'm still pretty new to the whole world of Homebase and B&Q and DIY in general. Previously, I've just been one of those people who laughed at their naff ads and had never set foot in a store. But anyway, I was there and I was on my way out when it happened. Standing in line in a bit of a checkout trance I was gazing around and there in front of me in one of the checkout bins was a 51 piece set of screwdrivers, which for a moment I was inexplicably attracted to buying. This has never happened to me before - I own three old screwdrivers and I have no idea where they came from. Then it hit me. Right then, or right now, I'm getting old. It's like nothing changed before and it all seems to be changing now.
"The second, and related thing, that struck me standing there was that, as you well know, having now turned 34, I'm at the very outer edges of the group most worshipped by the advertising industry - the 18 to 34 year olds and next year come November I will move out of this group completely. It's like there is this official notice as you approach 35 and the rest of your life. I've consoled myself with the fact that what is really happening is that I am moving into a secondary group of 25-40 year olds, but this isn't a real group and it's not one that anyone in advertising is really interested in. It's more of a made up group. Besides you can't focus group the 25-40 year olds. One half - the 25 year olds - will be able to tell you that Miss Dynamite was once a surprise winner of the Mercury Music Prize, beating out the hotly tipped the Streets. The other group - the 40 year olds - will be pretty much convinced that the Mercury Prize has something to do with astronomy and the space programme, and besides they don't have time to talk as the BMW estate has to be picked up from the garage and the kids? Just don't ask about them. You can see the problem can't you? It's a case of whether to go gracefully into the dark night, the one that is completely absent of fun youth culture, or to go kicking and screaming refusing to trade in street and club wear for something more sensible until 40 bears down like a ton of bricks."
"That's why I'm having this cigarette," Larissa says waving it about like a wand.
"Really? The cigarette?"
"Oh yes, I don't want to go. Not gracefully or otherwise. Not just yet."
"Who does."
"True, but there is the added thing that I don't have a boyfriend."
"I know what's that about?"
"I'm not sure, I'm definitely very good girlfriend material."
"I'll say."
"Gordon..."
"I don't, of course, mean my girlfriend."
"Thank you."
"You know I wasn't suggesting"?
"I'm just joshing with you."
"Oh the joshing and the japing, I forget that sometimes."
"Anyway, without a boyfriend it means that going into the dark night on one's own is a very unappealing proposition and really not an option."
"I know, but I guess the significance was, or the thing that struck me was that officially I was getting old. I've never thought about screwdrivers before - I mean ever, owning them or much using them - and I'd never thought about the age thing before."
"That's funny women think about it all the time."
"Really? No one tells you these things."
"Oh they should."
"Yes, I agree, I mean not even when I turned 30, or at any other time. But there in Homebase it struck me. It was weird. Then there's this whole Alison and Paul thing, there's Johnny moving back in and not to mention my sister and her bailing on the wedding. It's like suddenly this general quarters call went out and everyone is having some kind of thing."
"It's funny you should say all of this."
"How funny?"
"Oh you know so so funny, not really funny. Something sort of similar happened to me last week."
"Go on."
"Well it wasn't with screwdrivers, being a girl, and a sensible girl as you put it..."
"Are you going to let me forget that?"
"Mmm, you know, I don't think so."
"Cool, just so I know."
Larissa Snowe, smiles, "Anyway, it wasn't screwdrivers, it was tomato plants. Well, herb and tomato plants to be fair."
"Herb and tomato plants? Is that one plant or two?"
"I'm not sure, possibly one genetically altered plant, but the thing is, I only went in to buy some flowers for Alison, we were having lunch and I don't know, but I thought it would be nice. One nice expensive lunch before the birth.
"And there they were these herb and tomato plants. I was looking at them and I started thinking how great it would be if I could grow tomatoes in my garden. In a look at me, I'm self sufficient now type of way."
"That's heartbreakingly sad."
"I know, depressing, I agree. But then it hit me. I suddenly saw myself as this old woman with a house full of tomato plants."
"Full of them? That would be weird."
"I know, I hadn't been able to stop. I just kept on going back and buying more and more. One plant would never be enough."
"You'd be able to drink tomato juice all the time - I mean, if you could stomach it. On the downside, you'd probably have cats also."
"Mmm, and I'd smell really bad as well. With so many cats and plants in the flat personal hygiene wouldn't be an issue."
"Undoubtedly, and kids would throw stones at you."
"Kids are mean, but I still want to have them."
"You know I kind of got that impression."

The two of us laugh and we sit there on the wall smoking cigarettes and laughing for a little while longer until it is later and until we are feeling a little more cheery.

"Shall we have one more cigarette?" she asks.
"Wow, I don't know, they say live a little, I think that might be pushing the boat out."
"Mmm, maybe, today I say live a lot."

And she lights another cigarette, she is really going for it.

"You know what I want after all this births stuff a drink."
"Me too, maybe several."
"Hospitals should serve alcohol. It would be great."
"What you mean wet the baby's head kind of thing?"
"It's what I'm saying."
"Hospitals could make a killing."
"Literally."
"I guess people would say that really it's probably not all that healthy."
"True, but really not so far too come when those inevitable alcoholic accidents happen."
"There is that. Smoke the rest of this for me?"
"And you say you don't like me?"
"Oh I don't, but I may sleep with you again if I get really drunk tonight."
"Really?"
"Gordon try not to get your hopes up, you know nothing will happen."
"True, I know, but I'm trying to live the dream."
"Oh that's so sweet, dream on."