Monday, December 11, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 34

Total victory! What can I say, I know therapy isn't meant to be about winning or losing, but I can't help myself I seemed to have stunned Laura into silence. I am definitely making progress.

I've been talking with my therapist about Larissa's crazy plan and Laura really doesn't know what to say. I know this as for the first time she is lost for words. I managed to completely wrong foot her. My only worry is that I'm not entirely convinced that is a good thing, maybe it's best to just gloss over that.

To be honest I'm not all that surprised really, I mean Larissa's plan is pretty crazy, which is odd for such a sensible girl and I suppose it just goes to show how versatile she is.

"I have to say Gordon that I'm very surprised it's…"
"I know it's incredibly rash."
"Rash is a very good way of describing it."
"Thanks, I think Susan might appreciate it."
"Have you," and she is turning her hand over, "thought this through?"
"You know to be honest, not really. I'm worried I might be over analysing, besides the plan is clearly so crazy that if you think about it for too long…well, that's pretty much why I decided not to think it through."
"Mmm, I see. Have you discussed this with your friends?"
"Not as such."
"Not as such?"
"Well, more like not at all. I'm worried that they might think it's really not the best idea in the world and word could just get out."
"But you think Susan might appreciate it?"
"Definitely."
"You seem very sure about that?"
"Really?"
"Yes, you do. Why is that Gordon?"
"Well to be honest, I think it's more down to having failed to really think this through properly."
"Do you think Larissa has thought it through?"
"You know I'm not sure she has, but she gives a really good impression of someone who has, which I think might have inspired some dumb confidence on my part."
"But you're sure Susan will appreciate your efforts?"
"Actually the more you say the word 'appreciate', I'm actually less and less sure that is the case."
"So why are you doing it?"

That's really the best question Laura has asked me in a while. Why questions are always the best. They always go straight to the heart of the matter, which being strictly honest has never exactly been my strong point, and is always an issue that I cannot help at least trying to avoid. I just can't seem to help myself.

"That's a really good question, Laura."
"And that is not such a good answer Gordon."
"True."
"Let me ask you again," Laura says even softer than before, "So why are you doing it?"

Okay, okay, okay. I can do this, I can, and all I need to do is answer the question Okay, so not just answer, but answer truthfully.

"I think if I don't I might regret it quite a lot. What do you think?" I say grinning.

I know Laura never answers me, never gives me her opinion as such, but I couldn't. help myself anyway.

"I think you seem to have already made up your mind."

I nod, she's right, I think I have.

When I get home I have no sooner walked through the door when Larissa is on the phone.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing and that you hadn't had any second thoughts about my exciting plan to help you win back Susan.

"Now its your exciting plan?"
"Oh well it is exciting, isn't it?"
"That's one way of looking at it. Terrifying and kind of crazy is the other. Besides, win back, might be putting it a little strongly as I never really had her in the first place."
"Good point, but really Gordon, I think that was just a technicality."
"A technicality? Are you sure."
"Oh quite sure."

Damn, for a second there I thought I had an iron clad excuse for getting out of Larissa's crazy plan. No such luck, I swear me and crazy plans are never torn asunder.

"Are you sure you're not having any second thoughts?"
"Second thoughts? I have so many second thoughts that I have third, fourth and fifth thoughts."
"Oh that's to be expected."
"Glad to hear it, there is one thing."
"Yes?"
"The wedding?"
"What about it?"
"Well you know we're not invited, right?"
"Oh that's just a technicality."
"Another one?"
"Yes, of course, people always turn up at weddings uninvited. Its expected."
"Yes, but they are usually people no one knows. I'm a marked man."
"I know its terribly exciting."

Boy oh boy. To be honest I'm kind of thinking that really Larrisa Snowe crazy plan won't happen. That instead we'll get there and…well I'm not sure what, but it just won't come off. That at the vital moment someone, namely me, will falter, have a drastic change of heart and come to his senses. I'm pretty convinced this will be the outcome as otherwise I would be insane with nervous worry right now instead of being quite laid back and just getting on with what I need to get on with.

"Don't worry I'm with you 100% on this," I tell Larissa Snowe.
"Gordon it's the other way around I'm with you 100%. Don't worry, I'm not going to give you a hard time I just wanted to make sure you got your one suit dry cleaned."
"Hey I have more than one suit," I protest.
"Gordon, you know that jackets you bought a decade ago from charity shops don't count. It's really time you owned two suits, you know that don't you?"
"I guess I do now, okay what can I say it is sadly true and I feel diminished, you know in a sad comical way. I own one decent suit, but I don't necessarily think this is a crime."
"It is a bit of a crime."
"You mean I'm a suit crime committer who would have guessed it would come to this."
"But seriously tell me one more time you're not having second thoughts?" Larissa Snowe asks.
"Actually zero thoughts, I've really tried and have been pretty successfully in my effort not to think about it at all."

Gosh I wish I hadn't said that. I think I'm one of those people who failed to grasp the concept that certain thoughts need not necessarily be converted into sentences and expressed verbally.

"You know that's the mental equivalent of sticking your head in the sand?"
"I know genius isn't it?"
"Well it certainly explains a lot. Look I have to go. I have a meeting, what do you have planned?"
"Oh I'm going to have breakfast."
"Arrrgh, Gordon' breakfast, almost midday, not quite what one would expect."
"Hey, don't knock it. I like the idea that breakfast and lunch merge into one. As it means I can have serial at lunchtime, which is kind of cool. I'm a late breakfast kind of person, what can I say?"
"No, you're just late generally. I'll see you on Saturday. And if you feel yourself starting to panic call me."
"Before you go, what is our exact plan of attack, you know, just so I have something to think about for the rest of the week."
"Oh I thought we would walk in with our heads held high."
"With our heads held high? Are you sure?"
"I thought so, unless you have an alternative?"
I think about it for a second, then it strikes me I have a much better plan.
"I thought we could sneak into the back of the church. You know, all sneaky and stealthy like? It seems pretty appropriate."
"Oh, no we can't sneak. This is definitely not a moment for sneakers."
"Really, as I have to tell you that I am so much better at sneaking around than I am at holding my head high."

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