Gordon's Breakfast - 35
My first thought is WOW. There are a lot of people here. I'm personally surprised I hadn't expected this many, but this is an occasion where both sides of the family have pulled out all the stops and turned up on mass. It's like everyone has thrown their hands in the air and gone "finally for my daughter/son a wedding" – of course they all turned Jewish also, but that can only be a good thing. There must be at least 80 to 100 people. I can see Susan very clearly flanked by her father. She's dressed in a sleeveless knee length dress, which I know shouldn't be a surprise, but I can't remember the last time I saw Susan in a dress so it gets to me anyway. Even from back here she looks great.
I can see Alison sitting with Johnny and my sister three rows from the front thankfully like the rest of the congregation they are blissfully unaware of the creeping entrance made by Larissa Snowe and I.
"There's a lot more people here than I thought," I whisper to Larissa Snowe.
"Mmm, I was expecting a small huddle, this is a proper wedding."
I think it's when Larissa Snowe says that (it's a proper wedding) that maybe it finally hits me and becomes real. It wasn't real before. We were just messing around with all the craziness, but now with all the people and girl dressed in white this is serious, genuine and grown-up. I come to an immediate decision.
"We can not possibly do this. It's an incredible stupid idea – do you mind if I say that again?"
Larissa Snowe smiles as if this was perfectly all right and really quite expected.
"Don't be silly."
"Yes, you'll regret this forever if you don't go through with it."
And I'm trying to think, am I going to regret this forever if I don't do this? Before I felt pretty certain (of something at least), but now I just feel an overpowering sense of nerves and fear. My whole body is trembling.
So we sit there and we sing some hymns and then it all happens really quickly, which is weird as my memory of weddings is that they take forever to get anywhere and I'm always sitting there thinking "come on marry them already". But it isn't like that this is a fast moving pacy and brisk event. The priest is already starting to do his business and he's talking those words that are so oddly familiar to us all.
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite Adam and Susan in marriage. Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace?"
At this point I'm sure, just as everyone else does inside the church, I hold my breath and pray no one says anything, except I don't hold the air inside my lungs for very long as Larissa Snowe elbows me sharply in the ribs forcing me to cough and splutter.
"Go on then," she whispers, "now, go on."
"Yes, this is your moment."
"I don't want a moment."
"Yes you do."
"No way, this is a totally insane idea. Look! This is over look at them? There is no way…"
But I don't get a chance to finish as Larissa Snowe suddenly thinks she is in back at school as she is raising her hand in the air about to impress another teacher with the erudite prowess of her mind. God that girl has long arms I bet she always got noticed.
"We have something to say," and Larissa Snowe 's voice booms down the long stony church.
Then there's that almost indescribable sound from the congregation. That mix, that single voice, a soft wave of hush, murmur, alarm and surprise all rolled into one. I am pulling at Larissa Snowe's sleeve, but to no avail. I don't believe it.
"Since when did we have something to say? We are not a we, you dumped me three times.
"Get of with it," Larissa Snowe says shaking me off.
Get on with it? And before I have even vaguely thought through what I need to do, my voice too sounds like it too is booming down the aisle of the church. I think even god might be able to hear us.
"We don't have something to say, I have something to say!" and I seem to be grinning like an idiot.
"Well, I thought you weren't going to say anything," Larissa Snowe says indignantly.
"I wasn't," I say.
"I know that's why I said something."
Our conversation draws titters of laughter from around the church snapping Larissa Snowe and I back to reality. It has also given Susan a chance to recover at the shock of voice interrupting her big day.
"What on earth are you doing? This is my wedding!" she shrieks, "I can't believe you've bought your girlfriend to my wedding and taken the opportunity to ruin it."
"I'm not his girlfriend," Larissa Snowe says.
"What?" shouts a furious Susan.
"She's right we're just friends," I say in support of Larissa Snowe.
"That's not what I heard," Susan shouts back.
"Oh and what have you heard," Larissa Snowe lobs back.
"Larissa?" I say in reprimand, "do you mind?"
But before I can get another word in, Susan yells back.
"I heard you were sleeping with each other!"
"That's completely not true," Larissa Snowe says.
"Larissa!" I say trying to stop her, but its too late.
"We only did it just once."