Friday, November 24, 2006

Gordon's Breakfast - 32

Larissa Snowe Snowe and I are having lunch in Zillis in Soho as she has plans she wants to talk about for the weekend although right now we are talking about the impending wedding of Susan and Adam. Somehow, she finds the whole thing totally fascinating. She's like Spock.

"Oh, but it is. It's so modular."
"Modular? Who talks like that?"
"I do, modular is a very good word."
"Yes, but good for what?"

I have no idea what she's talking about, I tell her this and I think about mentioning the Spock thing, but hold off as I know that it will drive her nuts and not in a good way. It's not the logic part of Spock mind you, but the part about her ears. She has a thing about them. To be honest I have thing about them as well, but sadly we don't have the same thing about them. I think they are cute, but Larissa Snowe Snowe is under the impression that they make her look pixie'ish.

I tried to tell her once that while they might look pixie'ish, but in a really good kind of Liv Tyler way. Not a good move as Larissa Snowe is a total pedant and so has no trouble in punishing people like me who are more dilettante than pedant.

"Liv Typler played an elf in the Lord of the Rings and that is a different thing entirely from a pixie."

Who would have guessed?

"Modular? Its like a model aeroplane kit. It snaps together really quickly even though at first get it you think it will take forever. That's what their relationship is like."
"They're like a model aeroplane kit? Is that jet or prop driven?"
"I'm not sure it matters, lets say prop."
"I'm joking, the point is its totally clear that you have never built model plane kits. Luckily being a bloke I have built hundreds."
"Well it would have been strange if I had, wouldn't it?"
"True, but if you do I could give you tips."
"What ever happens to all those planes you boys build? I wonder as I've never seen any."
"That's very true, they all disappear it sometimes seemed that as a child I did nothing else, but glue those kits together and despite years of gluing I have not one single piece of plastic left for my troubles. Not even my very favourite Battle of Britain pride and glory RAF Spitfire that I painted and loved and hung from my ceiling until I was.. .well for a while at least.
"Oh that's terribly sweet, but maybe a little sad as well. I bet you were a spoddy and not in any way cool kid."
"That's harsh but true."
"Anyway we've wandered, modular."
"Yes, and that's what I was going to say model plane kits do not snap together really quickly. They take forever and there's always something wrong with them."

Larissa Snowe Snowe smiles at this and sips her wine.

"Maybe it was just the way you made them."
"Hey what are you suggesting?"
"Oh, nothing, just that everyone has their approach."
"And what's wrong with my approach?"

Larissa Snowe Snowe shrugs, still smiling, but doesn't say anything.

"Come on spit it out?"

This makes Larissa Snowe Snowe laugh.

"Oh you're such a charmer," she says laughing.
"You know I'm sure you never used to laugh at such obviously poor and really quite rubbish double-entendres, what gives?"
"Oh I thought that was rather good," she says, "anyway are you suggesting I'm prudish?"
"Clearly not your style has become much more relaxed. Now tell me."
"Okay, well your approach is not always the most mature."
"Damn I knew I shouldn't have slept with you again," I say.

This just makes Larissa Snowe Snowe laugh again.

"It's not what you said at the time," she says guffawing again.

I have no idea what's got into her, some people, I tell you.

After munching away on some mange tout, Larissa Snowe says, "You should do something, be bold."

I roll my eyes.

"Be bold? Oh right, no problem, I'm on it."
"Seriously."
"Yeah, and seriously, I'm on it."
"No come on, do something, I know you want to and you know you want to and I think that it would be criminal if you did nothing. Please, I want to do something as well and I have a plan."
"You want to do something and you have a plan? What's got into you today?"
"Oh I don't know I'm just feeling concerned about your future. So what are you going to do?"

Good question. For a start I should come clean and admit it's the truth. I mean I think that might help. It's been obvious from the start. It's true I'm always thinking and I really wish I could stop thinking "well she's quite nice, but I'm sure I will meet someone else who's is, well you know, perfect? It's sad I know. But I can't be the only person in the Western world who thinks that way. While Susan and I were friends I could look at her and think I really like Susan…but. There's always a but. Even when she was going out with people I never thought the relationships would last or go the distance. I guess if I'm honest, and I hate to admit it, I saw Susan as my backup plan. You know in that kind of way that you hope you will never have to use the back up plan, but its always nice to know that it's there in case you do. But I waited too long and my back-up plan is getting married. This makes things difficult as I no longer have a backup plan let alone a plan. Susan is no longer my back up plan, but my plan and my unattainable plan at that. So really no kind of plan at all.

"It's a bit late in the day," I say.
"It's only as late as you make it," Larissa Snowe tuts at me.
"It's a good job your going to Barcelona as your sunny unbridled optimism and enthusiasm will help you fit right in. It'll be a beautiful moment for all concerned."

Larissa Snowe grins at me and takes my sarcasm in her stride.

"You could do with some unbridled optimism – that way you wouldn't be in the situation you're in now. So if you're not going to do anything then kindly stop acting like a lovesick teenager."
"Hey!"
"Yes?"
"Okay, okay, so what's your plan."

This just brings a huge smile to Larissa Snowe Snowe's face, I think somehow I just made her day. And the plan? Don't ask me I have no idea and nothing, but a bad feeling.

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