Gordon's Breakfast - 24
"If you say you're going to kill Adam one more time or use the phrase 'Adam and Susan, I don't believe it' and then proceed to throw your hands in the air, I think I might throw-up. I might throw-up anyway, but that's really an altogether different matter."
I can see that, as I have developed a habit over the last week of throwing my hands in the air and saying those very words. I just can't help myself. As soon as I think about him I find myself saying that particular phrase and throwing my hands in the air like a Seventh Day Adventist. Maybe its the The Universal Church Kingdom of God I'm thinking of?
Anyway, to be honest, I'm fairly disappointed by the reaction of everyone to the news. No one seems to share my feelings of general outrage and betrayal. I had a mini conference in the flat with Johnny and my new best relation, a.k.a. my sister - not a girl who does sympathy.
"It's your own fault Gordon."
"My own fault, How can you say that?"
"Face it mate it's your own fault," says Johnny.
"How can you say that?"
"Errr, because despite the fact that everyone told you to do something, including Adam, you sat on your arse. That's how I can say that," Johnny says.
"Okay, fair point, but..."
"But?" Adam says.
"You're right, no buts, but you know?"
"I still can't believe you went around there," Johnny says.
"I think I should call Susan and maybe apologise or something," I said.
"Oh, I wouldn't do that," Sara says.
I looked at her suspiciously, but she gave nothing away.
"Okay, since you are not exactly being forthcoming, maybe you could tell me why I might not want to call Susan?"
"She isn't talking to you."
"You're a non-person."
"An unperson, you're off her Christmas card list and don't expect an Easter egg."
"Susan doesn't even send Christmas cards, although she is a fan of elaborate chocolate eggs," I say.
"Well if she starts sending cards, I wouldn't count on getting one."
"Just because I shoved Adam, that's ridiculous."
"Gordon, I think it might be something more than that."
"More? There isn't anymore. That's it."
"I can't believe you pushed him," Johnny says, half smiling.
"Yeah, I'm a world class pusher, me."
Later, after the Sanderson Hotel, Larissa Snowe and I are lying side by side in bed talking, which I guess might take a little explaining.
We went out as part of our shared mission to be more metropolitan although I think we may have erred slightly as having spent several hours drinking cocktails we ended up rather elegantly wasted. It was okay though, we didn't cause a scene although I think we may have swayed on the way out, but you know I think that could have been just us moving in time to the music. I'm sure there was definitely music.
We had started so well, but then I started to slur my words. I probably wouldn't have noticed this, but Larissa Snowe did helpfully point it out in a way that told me she was also smashed.
"Gordon you're slurring your words and the odd thing is I'm not entirely sure it's an unattractive quality."
"Lissa you are not slurring your words, but such flirty come-on talk from you tells me you're definitely toast."
"Mmm, I think you're right, you'll be pleased to know you act less gay when drunk."
Earlier Larissa Snowe had accused me of acting very gay, which was a charge I strenuously denied. I told her I wouldn't know how to act gay.
"Well you're doing a very good job," Larissa Snowe said.
"Oh come off it, how am I doing a very good job?"
"Well by pointing out every available man in the bar for a start. That's very gay."
"But I thought I was just being 'gay enough'."
"No that was being rather too gay. You'll be offering me tips on fashion next," and looking at me sideways, she added: "Maybe not."
"Hey this is my best jacket, it's about the only thing I can wear with jeans and shoes that says 'casual, cool and smart'."
"I'm teasing you, you look perfectly suitable."
"Hey, I always wanted to be suitable."
"This never happens in New York, you know?" Larissa Snowe told me.
"What you really mean is that it never happens in 'Sex and the City', that's because Americans just don't get trashed on TV."
"That's probably more to the point. I so wanted to be able to do cocktails and not end up a drunken wreck."
"Don't worry you're not a wreck."
"Oh that's a relief, I think there's a certain British way of doing cocktails and a certain American way."
"You know you're not really supposed to slurp on them."
"Really?" Larissa Snowe said looking up.
"I suppose it's not very cool. I am definitely enjoying these though, but what I really want is a large glass of red wine," she said.
You know sometimes when you trace your life back to the moment when a certain evening started to go awry? For us it was definitely at that moment as a bottle or so later we were lying on the floor of her sitting room snogging.
I never use the word snogging it's just so teenage. I mean it's a great teenage word, suggestive of something lost, somewhere along the road between here and there, somewhere between youth and adulthood. I'm not sure when, but most of us reach a stage where we stop snogging and start kissing. Kissing is different, it's more grown up. Kissin often leads to something else. Snogging doesn't. It doesn't have to unless we're just talking about ruffling your date's sweater somewhat.
With us, then and there at least, it never felt like we it was going to lead to clothes being ripped off and hot sweaty roll and around the floor passion. Somehow that just isn't us. Or I should say that's not the two of us, not together. And you know what? That's okay as that's kind of how it was meant to be.
We were lying on the floor and we were nicely sloshed, facing each other and just talking against the stillness of the air and that late night thumph thumph of passing traffic when Larissa Snowe said it.
"Go on then."
And I knew immediately what she was saying, but I almost laughed instead of kissing her as Larissa Snowe looked like she was going to break into a giggle enjoying the complete absence of any tension or apprehension.
"Is that a kiss me demand?"
"No, but it just seems that point in the evening doesn't it?"
"You know I kind of know what you mean. And also I'm feeling that it's kind of easy to kiss someone you've kissed before, but weren't really expecting to kiss again, because they’re your ex and they had sworn that they would never speak to you again."
"There was that, so you're saying, this time around, there are no nerves?"
"No nerves," I say.
Going to bed together was just a case of either or. I could sleep on the backbreaking couch or I could share the bed, but with no funny business. Well no funnier than it had been so far, ust talking and sleeping.
"I think I can hear silence," Larissa Snowe says.
"Definitely, the silence of Gordon no longer talking about Adam and Susan."
"Oh that kind of silence."
"Yes, that kind."
"Well now that we're here it seems kind of rude."
"You know that me not going out with you again still applies, don't you?"
"Oh absolutely, it's a eminently cool and sensible approach."
"Are you saying that I'm sensible?"
"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying it makes sense."
"Good, otherwise I thought the evening was really rather successful, the kissing included.
"Oh yeah me too, kissing included."
"But you still haven't answered my question from earlier."
"Oh you know I'm talking about Susan and what you plan to do about her and Adam."
"Hey, I thought you were enjoying the silence of me not talking about Adam and Susan again?"
"I was, but the key part of that sentence was you. It's quite another matter for me to interrogate you for my own enjoyment."
"Oh, I see, for your own enjoyment. Is this like payment?"
"Mmm, maybe, but you wouldn't deny a girl would you?"
"Me no, besides, I did answer you earlier."
"No you didn't, when I asked you when we were at the Sanderson, you didn't say anything."
"I know, clever huh? That's my plan."
"What your plan is to do nothing?"
"Absolutely. It's a tried a tested method. I've used it before."
"And how exactly does it work?"
"Exactly? Well, that's a good question, it really involves me avoiding them and cutting them dead at any social occasions where we might all be in attendance. Therefore negating any further embarrassment."
"Oh Gordon really, that's not a very good plan, I have to tell you."
"You know, funnily enough, you're not the first person to say this."