The Demographic Shift - 69
"To say you're getting worse kind of implies that you might once be good at it, I think that might be overstating the case."
"Hey, I take offence at that."
"You take offence?"
"Yes, I definitely used to be better."
"I dated for longer periods. I could date for sustained periods of time before deciding, you know, that said person was really not for me."
"You make it sound like some kind of endurance contest."
This makes me laugh, but really I think that sometimes, and I kind of hate to say this, that's exactly what it is. Dating is a kind of endurance contest, maybe, just not an Olympic event.
"Well, you know, sometimes I think that's what it is."
"Gord, that's like the least romantic thing I ever heard any one say. An endurance test? Oh come on."
"What? You know, how it is, you start to go out with someone and really you're not very sure, but you decide, for various reasons…
"Wait? For various reasons?
"Yeah, various reasons, to see them for a little longer, you know, in a making your mind up kind of way, pushing aside your initial impulse to dump them and run for the hills."
"Initial, Gord, I thought that was your only impulse?"
"I'm trying to diversify, you know, and have several impulses."
"So you're saying that even though you don't like them that much you continued to go with them as you…what sort of felt obliged to be dating someone."
"Yes that's exactly it."
"Hmm, I'm not sure really I would class that as being good at dating."
"Okay, maybe not, but I don't do that anymore. I make really quick decisions after one date and decide that really the best approach is to never see them again."
"You're too fussy."
I huff at this, okay, I might be fussy, but I am positive it's not just me.
"Maybe, I don't think it's just me somehow."
"I think you're right, I think it’s everybody else as well. I think people aren't just looking anymore they're like 'looking looking'."
"Looking looking? And that would mean what exactly?"
"It means that as people get older instead of just looking for someone they can go sleep with and hang out with on public holidays they are actually looking immediately, from the outset, for something that might last, which means they start out with really high standards."
"You mean impossibly high standards and impossibly high standards actually translates to not dating anyone at all because everyone knows that impossibly high standards are hard to satisfy."
"Wow, you're like a genius. That's exactly what I do."
"Gord, I've been telling you that for ages, I am a genius, but sadly unrecognised, I'll be like Emily Dickinson, totally obscure in my own lifetime. Doomed to be discovered and celebrated after my death."
"Yeah, well Dickinson studied the bible, went to church and was nicked named the Nun of Amherst. Do you even know what a church looks like?"
"They're the pointy buildings right? Besides, I'm more the social butterfly non-religious unrecognized type of genius."
Susan's genius aside, I think she definitely hit on something that's at the heart of my whole getting worse at dating. I guess what I really mean when to say is that rather than date a carefree bordering reckless manner where you never really think things through; it's now the complete reverse. It's like a whole screening process takes place where you consider not only what they look like and the kind of things they're interested, but also what they do and whether their life really closely maps yours.
Actually, I'm not sure I really like it all that much, but I'm not sure that I can do anything about it. As it means I make these really snap decisions, usually before I have finished my first drink. Meaning I rush the second one and am out of there before you can say, third what, let alone second date.