The Demographic Shift - 84
Okay, there were some quirks. These are too be expected. For instance parts of the family are getting crazier by the year, I swear to god. For Christmas 2005 for instance my mother, sister, boyfriend and some cousins sat up to 4am singing songs. I kid you not. Who knew there were so many songs to sing. They were all singing merrily away, you know....like it was some holiday. In case you're wondering. No singing did i partake in. Not even the Rod Stewart singalong. Please don't ask, just know that Rod is big in our house.
On the present front I finally got just what I wanted. This never happens to me. Usually I get something close, but miles apart. Like that year I wanted that sweater and, sure, I got a sweater, but it had a diamond pattern on the front, which included the colours red and yellow. Did Santa not get my letter?
But anyway, apparently, and you'll like this, there is a trick to getting just what you want. It's genius, but yet so simple and cunning that it is a strategy that would never in this lifetime be employed by a Bond villain. It's just too damn straight forward.
This is exactly what happened with my sister and I. No more pain, no more schlepping around the stores hoping in a hope beyond hope kind of way that I might accidentally stumble over the perfect present (I only ever stumble over small children who are running interference for their cunning parents), which really doesn't exist outside of TV advertising where people are all outfitted with perfect presents that are brilliantly gift wrapped. No to ensure the perfect present you do this.
"Gord what do you want for Christmas?"
"Well there are few books that I want to get, now you mention it."
"I could get them for you if you like."
"Really, you could get them for me? Is that allowed?"
"What you mean under the Christmas Present Buying Charter? - the CPBC? Which I guess must also be the initials of the Communist Party of British Columbia."
"Gord, I don't think the Canadians ever had Communism."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I think they're all Liberals and Conservatives. All of them. Oh and French."
"And the French?"
"Just French - with Canadian icing, but anyway, the CPBC."
"Mmm, not sure, but you know what? I think it's such a good idea that no one would really mind. It's like a minor misdemeanour."
"It is, isn't it? If you could get them that would be perfect."
"No problem, I'm going shopping. I'll hit Borders anyway....So what do you want?"
"Mmm, there was this top I saw...thinking about it, I could get that as well. To save you the trouble."
"Actually that would be very cool what with my tendency to self implode in clothes stores in a state of sweaty confusion bought on by useless assistants and in ability to navigate the rack scrummage."
"I'm worried though."
"You're worried, by what?"
"Well aren't we sidestepping Christmas by merely buying presents for ourselves, but pretending they are actually from other people?"
"Yes, but the other people are you and me...and we are actually buying what we would want to receive."
"So you're saying that really we are just cutting out the middle man from the whole Christmas shopping project and instead initiating a simplified, stripped down lean gift buying operation that involves less time and energy?"
"That's it exactly, you know, if someone from Mckinsey & Company were to describe it."
"Oh a Mckinsey Christmas, what an idea."
"Yeah...I'm not sure we should tell anyone else though."
"No, I think you're right, they might get the wrong idea."
"What that you mean it's not very Christmassy?"
"Precisely. It would ruin the whole ambiance."